This may offend you.

And I'm okay with that.

I think.

A friend of mine last week asked me my views on hell. And with his question, two things immediately occurred to me.

1. I was somewhat uncomfortable with the subject because I was afraid that by admitting I believed in it, I would automatically be seen as condemning, judgmental and offensive. Yikes.

2. I also realized that I don't have a whole lot to say on the matter because, honestly, I don't know all that much.

And so I started wondering why...

Maybe it's because hell is rarely talked about in the church. Love, grace, forgiveness, and even sin, sure. But hell? Well, I haven't heard a sermon on it yet. Maybe it's because I see some Christians take it to the extreme--you know, the kind that stand on the street corner and just yell at you, telling you that you're going to hell--oh how that scene evokes such anger, shame and a deep discomfort within me.

Or maybe I don't know all that much about hell because I choose to ignore it.

I'd rather focus on the "nice" and "happy" things of Christianity, and not the confrontational and unpleasant. So most of the time, I choose silence over possibly saying something offensive. And when it comes down to it, I choose silence over truth.

Because the truth is, the Gospel is offensive. Or at least it should be. A foundational truth of it is that, yes, we are all going to hell. (Oh dear...you just put me in the same category as the man standing on the street corner yelling, didn't you?) But really, when I'm honest with myself, I know just how important it is to the Gospel message. For if hell doesn't exist, then we wouldn't be in need of a Savior. Or if only "bad" people go there, then that means we can somehow earn our way to heaven and that Christ's death on the cross was for nothing.

Bluntly put, the Gospel message without the understand of hell is not the Gospel message. For to know and experience the deep love and grace offered through Jesus, one must first understand where they would be headed without it.

Hell.

That's what scares me. And no, I'm not talking about hell itself. What scares me is knowing that when I talk this way, I'll be called judgmental. The dreaded word that so many Christians get pegged with. That probably seems shallow, to care so much about being called a name, and while it is, my insecure self just can't help it.

I've been called this word a lot.

And it hurts.

A lot.

Probably more than any other name you could call me. Call me stubborn. I am. Call me self-indulged. I am. Call me controlling. I am. But judgmental? I have such a hard time with that one.

It brings about such an emotional response in me. I admit that my over-sensitive reaction is probably fueled by my desperate need for approval and the mere frustration of feeling misunderstood. But nevertheless, I struggle here. It's a big tension I have as a Christian--to share with people the salvation message that I so wholeheartedly believe in and to be viewed as judgmental and offensive because of it. I feel like I constantly teeter-totter between feeling guilty for not sharing what I believe, but then feeling guilty for making people feel bad for what I believe.

This is the struggle, a tension, a great divide in my life.

But as I wrestle through this, or through anything else for that matter, I constantly have to tell myself: "Lauren, look to Jesus." Just look to Jesus.

And so I did. And I was reminded.

Jesus himself was pretty offensive. He rebuked and called people out. He challenged them with a new way of thinking that was not popular. And he talked about hell.

A lot.

The difference, though, between Jesus and myself is that He was okay and comfortable talking about it. Even though most didn't like what He had to say, Jesus still said it. And even though I'm sure Jesus felt extremely misunderstood, He didn't let it bother Him.

So why should I?

This is why I love looking to Jesus. He brings me back to Himself and His character. He's so bold, so radical, so Spirit-filled. Looking to Jesus draws me out of my self-consumed world, my fears, and my insecurities. Looking to Him reminds me how to live a life of love and grace, yet still flavored with deep truth.

I want to be more like Jesus.

And so, I'm aware that my ramblings may offend you. But I'm learning. Slowly but surely, I am learning to be okay with that. Just like Jesus was.