culture shock.

I have been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who now lives within me.

The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God.

Because the Son of God loved me.

And He gave Himself for me.

They say culture shock is supposed to be hitting around this time. The honeymoon stage should be coming to a close and the daily nuances of living in another culture ought to be settling in. All of a sudden, the people, the food, the language are no longer fun and entertaining. They're draining.

We were warned about this stage. We knew it would eventually happen and we were prepared to handle it and "ride it out". However, the culture shock still has taken me by surprise. Not because I wasn't ready for it, but because it showed its face in an unexpected way.

You see, I am still loving the people. The politeness, gentleness, friendliness, and helpfulness of the Thais is something I hope to never take for granted. It's something I hope to learn from.

I still love the food. The fact that we can get a delicious meal for only $1 still amazes me. Besides the coagulated blood soup and fried insects, Thailand has some of the best food in the world.

And believe it or not, I am still loving the language. Even though the word "mai" means mile, new, no, right, and silk. Yes, it can be frustrating at times, but I am still enjoying the process and the challenge.

No, it's not the people, the food or the language that is causing this culture shock.

It's the location.

I miss home.

It's a weird feeling, really. To be so content and at peace in one place, yet still be longing to be in another. Since leaving home, a lot of big things have happened. Friends have gotten engaged, family members are moving, weddings are being celebrated, loved ones are having babies. Life is continuing on. And we're not a part of it.

I hate that.

And somewhere in the midst of this unexpected culture shock, my heart has grown bitter. At random times throughout the day, I have found myself thinking thoughts like...

Why do some people get to live in the same town as their entire family and I don't?

Why do some people get to have coffee with their best friends every week and I can't?

Why do all our friends get to start their families now and we need to wait?

Why are some never drawn to serve God overseas and we are?

It doesn't seem fair, God...

Without even realizing it, I have found myself wishing for someone else's life. Someone else's circumstances. Someone else's calling. In other words, I caught myself thinking our time here was a curse rather than a blessing. I started measuring my life based on earthly treasures rather than heavenly ones. I was falling in love with my own plans again rather than being hopelessly devoted to God's.

Maybe God's plan wasn't worth my everything. Maybe I could please God and my flesh at the same time. Maybe, just maybe, I didn't have to be crucified with Christ.

But here I am. On Good Friday. Pondering what this day really means. Pondering the crucifixion of Christ and its eternal weight. Pondering the fact that my sinful soul is counted free because the sinless Savior died. Pondering the unmatched call and will of Jesus Christ and wondering if He ever told God that "this doesn't seem fair".

Somehow I don't think He did.

Despite His pain and suffering on this day, somehow I don't think He was whining to God like I have been. I think He knew the will of His Father and saw it not as a curse, but as a gift.

The gift to do what God had purposed for Him and to do it with faith and obedience. The gift to be used by God for the sake of others.

The gift to offer Himself as a living, perfect, and holy sacrifice.

Jesus' life and death and resurrection. What a gift.

Our life, our death to flesh, our resurrection for the glory of God. It's a gift, too.

So on this day, I am challenging myself to shock myself out of this culture shock. To stop believing that this far away journey is a curse and, instead, embrace it as a sweet and gracious gift.

...For I have been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who now lives within me.

The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God.

Because the Son of God loved me.

And He gave Himself for me.

I've never really been into art...

...but I couldn't help but notice this little shop on the side of the road.

Steven and I were walking the streets of "Ban Twai" one afternoon. It's one of our favorite places in Chiang Mai. It's an area outside of town that the Queen originally set up for the village people of Thailand. The purpose was to give them a populated place to display and sell their original and unique handicrafts.

It's so fun.

Steven and I have already been there 3 times--going from store to store looking at antiques, intricate woodwork, handicrafts, ceramic tableware, clothes, etc. You name it, Ban Twai probably has it. And if they don't, they'll make it for you. (Steven and I brought in a picture of a desk and credenza that we really liked to one of the woodwork shops and they are custom making it for us! Pics to come...) Who needs Pottery Barn when you have Ban Twai?

So as we were perusing one Saturday afternoon, my eye was caught by this little art shop. Sidenote: I have been wanting to get something to make our house a little more "homey" since we moved in. All of the decorations and furniture were already provided (praise God!), but I was itching at the chance to put pick out something for our house that was "us". Call me high maintenance, but nesting has become a big deal to me. I think it helps me feel settled and at peace. Don't get me wrong, I love our house. But now I just want it to be home.

And so, we started looking at this woman's paintings. They were beautiful. Abstract, full of color, life and a story. I was getting really excited.

A couple of years ago when we were in our couples Bible Study in Chicago, we challenged each other to come up with a mission statement and vision for our marriages. As we shared them with each other over the following weeks, one of the couples had a great idea. They thought it would be cool to narrow down our mission statements to just one word and then have it displayed somewhere in our houses. It would be a simple reminder of the purpose and vision for our marriages, while also being an interesting and fun conversation piece.

I loved the idea.

And as I walked around this little art shop in Ban Twai, I was reminded of it. Wouldn't it be cool to have this woman paint a picture for our house with our mission statement somehow in it?

I was sold.

A couple days later, the woman was at our house with her little boy, helping us come up with the colors and design of our painting. It, again, was such a gift to see God continue to bless us here. Not only with a great house and something special to make it home, but also with this unique opportunity to make a new friend.

And so, here it is. Our proud display of the mission statement of our marriage.

Hesed in art.

The hesed of God means the saving from enemies and troubles; the redemption from sin; the keeping of His covenants; a passionate and relentless love.

The hesed of man means kindness towards others, servanthood; lovingkindness extended to the lowly, needy and miserable; mercy and grace.

What a beautiful reminder of God's hesed towards us and our call to be hesed to the world around us. We pray this artwork will be the beginning of many conversations of the unfathomable hesed that many do not yet know.

¹ Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His hesed endures forever.
² Give thanks to the God of gods.
His hesed endures forever.
³ Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His hesed endures forever.

⁴ to him who alone does great wonders,
His hesed endures forever.
⁵ who by his understanding made the heavens,
His hesed endures forever.
⁶ who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His hesed endures forever.
⁷ who made the great lights—
His hesed endures forever.
⁸ the sun to govern the day,
His hesed endures forever.
⁹ the moon and stars to govern the night;
His hesed endures forever.

¹⁰ to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His hesed endures forever.
¹¹ and brought Israel out from among them
His hesed endures forever.
¹² with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His hesed endures forever.

¹³ to him who divided the Red Sea asunder
His hesed endures forever.
¹⁴ and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His hesed endures forever.
¹⁵ but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His hesed endures forever.

¹⁶ to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His hesed endures forever.

¹⁷ to him who struck down great kings,
His hesed endures forever.
¹⁸ and killed mighty kings—
His hesed endures forever.
¹⁹ Sihon king of the Amorites
His hesed endures forever.
²⁰ and Og king of Bashan—
His hesed endures forever.
²¹ and gave their land as an inheritance,
His hesed endures forever.
²² an inheritance to his servant Israel.
His hesed endures forever.

²³ He remembered us in our low estate
His hesed endures forever.
²⁴ and freed us from our enemies.
His hesed endures forever.
²⁵ He gives food to every creature.
His hesed endures forever.

²⁶ Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His hesed endures forever.

Psalm 136