culture shock.

I have been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who now lives within me.

The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God.

Because the Son of God loved me.

And He gave Himself for me.

They say culture shock is supposed to be hitting around this time. The honeymoon stage should be coming to a close and the daily nuances of living in another culture ought to be settling in. All of a sudden, the people, the food, the language are no longer fun and entertaining. They're draining.

We were warned about this stage. We knew it would eventually happen and we were prepared to handle it and "ride it out". However, the culture shock still has taken me by surprise. Not because I wasn't ready for it, but because it showed its face in an unexpected way.

You see, I am still loving the people. The politeness, gentleness, friendliness, and helpfulness of the Thais is something I hope to never take for granted. It's something I hope to learn from.

I still love the food. The fact that we can get a delicious meal for only $1 still amazes me. Besides the coagulated blood soup and fried insects, Thailand has some of the best food in the world.

And believe it or not, I am still loving the language. Even though the word "mai" means mile, new, no, right, and silk. Yes, it can be frustrating at times, but I am still enjoying the process and the challenge.

No, it's not the people, the food or the language that is causing this culture shock.

It's the location.

I miss home.

It's a weird feeling, really. To be so content and at peace in one place, yet still be longing to be in another. Since leaving home, a lot of big things have happened. Friends have gotten engaged, family members are moving, weddings are being celebrated, loved ones are having babies. Life is continuing on. And we're not a part of it.

I hate that.

And somewhere in the midst of this unexpected culture shock, my heart has grown bitter. At random times throughout the day, I have found myself thinking thoughts like...

Why do some people get to live in the same town as their entire family and I don't?

Why do some people get to have coffee with their best friends every week and I can't?

Why do all our friends get to start their families now and we need to wait?

Why are some never drawn to serve God overseas and we are?

It doesn't seem fair, God...

Without even realizing it, I have found myself wishing for someone else's life. Someone else's circumstances. Someone else's calling. In other words, I caught myself thinking our time here was a curse rather than a blessing. I started measuring my life based on earthly treasures rather than heavenly ones. I was falling in love with my own plans again rather than being hopelessly devoted to God's.

Maybe God's plan wasn't worth my everything. Maybe I could please God and my flesh at the same time. Maybe, just maybe, I didn't have to be crucified with Christ.

But here I am. On Good Friday. Pondering what this day really means. Pondering the crucifixion of Christ and its eternal weight. Pondering the fact that my sinful soul is counted free because the sinless Savior died. Pondering the unmatched call and will of Jesus Christ and wondering if He ever told God that "this doesn't seem fair".

Somehow I don't think He did.

Despite His pain and suffering on this day, somehow I don't think He was whining to God like I have been. I think He knew the will of His Father and saw it not as a curse, but as a gift.

The gift to do what God had purposed for Him and to do it with faith and obedience. The gift to be used by God for the sake of others.

The gift to offer Himself as a living, perfect, and holy sacrifice.

Jesus' life and death and resurrection. What a gift.

Our life, our death to flesh, our resurrection for the glory of God. It's a gift, too.

So on this day, I am challenging myself to shock myself out of this culture shock. To stop believing that this far away journey is a curse and, instead, embrace it as a sweet and gracious gift.

...For I have been crucified with Christ.

It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who now lives within me.

The life I live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God.

Because the Son of God loved me.

And He gave Himself for me.