Deal with it.

Oh, but I don't want to. It's uncomfortable and it's so much easier to ignore. I'd rather pretend the questions aren't there.

Besides, what if my questions just lead to more questions? Or the answers lead to something I don't want to know? Will my foundation be shaken?

Ya, I don't really need answers. I'm okay with the whole "living by faith" thing. That's what the godly do anyway, right?

Plus, who am I? I'm no theologian, no biblical scholar, no expert. I don't know all that I should or even all that I want. There's gotta be someone else--someone smarter, someone braver, someone better to do it.

I don't have to deal with it, do I?

...SIGH...

I think I do. Deep down, I know God wants me to wrestle with these questions. I know He doesn't want me to turn off my brain in order to follow Him. I know He is inviting me to know Him deeper, pursue wisdom and grow in my faith.

I know God wants me to deal with it.

So, with no more excuses (but with a little kicking and screaming), I'm diving in. Here goes nothing....

Question 1: Was the earthquake God's judgment on Haiti?
It's one of the big questions I've been asking myself these past couple of weeks. It's a question that comes up in my mind, heart and soul every year or so when another disaster hits. It's scary to say it out-loud, to admit that I question God's role in it all. But there it is, waiting to be dealt with.

I've heard many Christians answer with a resounding YES. This answer, their answer, kind of makes me sick. Or at least it makes me squirm a little. While I don't necessarily disagree with their opinion, I strongly dislike how they make it seem like a known fact. It's the way they answer so quickly, without much thought, like it's a simple question with a therefore simple answer. Is the sky blue? Yes. Was the earthquake God's judgment? Yes.

To me, it's not so easy. To me, it's not a 'yes' or 'no'. It's a maybe. (And that's not a cop-out. I promise.)

This is what I mean...

As hard as it is for me to say, I can't deny that the earthquake could have been an act of judgment by God. If I were to deny this, I would be neglecting the many times that God has used natural disasters as a form of judgment in the past. I would be ignoring characteristics and actions of God that are essential to His being. I would be creating my own god, fitting him into what I think he should be or do. It's me taking control, telling God that I know better than He does. That's dangerous.

Look at Noah & the Ark. It's not the happy story we've twisted it into. It's God's judgment on the wickedness of the people.

Genesis 6:11-13 "Now the earth was corrupt in God's sight, and the earth was filled with violence. And, God saw the earth, and behold, it was corrupt, for all flesh had corrupted their way on the earth. And God said to Noah, 'I have determined to make an end of all flesh, for the earth is filled with violence through them. Behold, I will destroy them with the earth."

If I believe the Bible, I must then believe that God has done this in the past and can continue to do so today.

And what about Sodom and Gomorrah?

Genesis 19:24-25 "Then the Lord rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the Lord out of heaven. And He overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground."

Seems to me that God isn't being shy about taking the credit for destroying the two cities. If He's taking the credit, I must give it to Him.

The truth is, I don't want to give it to Him. Plainly put, the thought of God causing the earthquake in Haiti just seems so mean to me. It doesn't seem like an act of God's hesed.

And this is what I was scared of. This is exactly the reason why I didn't want to deal with such questions.

So this is where I usually run away. Where I usually back off and just say "God, you're in control and I choose to still believe in You." I suppose that's not a bad thing in and of itself, but it is when I use it as a cop-out.

Deal with it, Lauren. Dig deeper.

Okay, let me just think about it for a second. Let me try and understand it in a tangible way. Again, here goes nothing...

To me, God's judgment can be seen to be a lot like a parent's punishment. Now, all you theologians out there, just chill. I'm not saying it's the same, I'm just saying that I see some similarities. Work with the analogy here. God is the parent and the world is the child. The world has rebelled and sinned against God, much like a child disobeys and sins against its parents. Now, would it be loving or even wise for the parents to never discipline their child? Discipline and punishment with consequences are often necessary. No one can argue that. It teaches, molds and guides--even though it doesn't seem very loving from the child's point of view.

I know this because whenever I got in trouble as a kid, I always wanted to blame my parents and feel sorry for myself when they punished me. They were the mean ones for not letting me get away with it. They were the ones that caused my misery. Instead of taking responsibility for my actions and asking for forgiveness, it was so much easier to blame...blame anyone but myself. And even when I knew my punishment was completely justified, being grounded still didn't seem like a very "loving" approach.

Sounds silly now, but isn't that how we kind of react to God? When we see something like the earthquake in Haiti, the world's initial response is not one of self reflection and repentance. It's one of projection, self pity and blame. We don't take responsibility. We don't ask ourselves what God could be trying to teach us through the mess, through this wake-up call. We don't turn back to God. We don't examine our sinfulness. We don't ask for forgiveness. We don't see it as a lot of things. And we certainly don't see it as a loving and necessary hesed act of God.

We don't because it's harder to swallow this way. This way, we have to come to the fact that we live in a fallen and sick world. A world that often deserves discipline. A world that sometimes deserves judgment. This way, we are the rebellious child that needs to be corrected, taught, and redirected. This way, we must admit that we only like serving a God who blesses. And we only want to love a God who gives. And gives. And gives. Give me a god who never rebukes, closes his eyes to my sin, and blesses me until I die, right?

Yes, I am still that selfish and immature child.

...SIGH...

Here I was, scared to find out something ugly about God when all I did was discover more of my ugliness and need for Him.

So back to my question, could the earthquake in Haiti, or any other natural disaster for that matter, have been God's judgment? Yes. And I'm finally okay with that answer. But, and this is a BIG BUT, I am still adamantly against stating it as fact. I can't state it as fact. And neither can anyone else. If we do, then we are speaking on behalf of God--something I'm not willing to do and something I should never do unless it is found explicitly in His Word.

How do we know that, without a doubt, it was God's wrath being displayed last week? We don't. Like I said, in His parental hesed, He has done things like this before. But then does that mean that His judgment is in every natural disaster? No. While He always allows things to happen (a necessary responsibility of a sovereign God), it doesn't necessarily mean that He causes them to happen.

My original answer still stands: Maybe.

And I feel good about that not being a cop-out.

Question 1, dealt with. Maybe not the way you wanted me to deal with it, but hey, I told you I wasn't the smartest or best out there. Maybe you need to deal with it more. And if you do, let me know. We'll talk, we'll share, we'll grow.

But for now, I feel a sense of peace even when my questions still continue. And I know that they always will. But I'm starting to be less afraid of them and well, that's a start.