the impossible.

Me:  "I think this is what "walking by faith" may look like.  When you've done everything you possibly could do and surrender the rest at the feet of Jesus.  Where we're living every day expecting God to show up, praying for miracles and knowing that it could all fall apart at any second.  A humility that only comes from realizing you're not in control and trusting the One who is."

Steven:  "But I'm not sure if we're walking by faith or just find ourselves in an impossible situation."

Me:  "Well yeah... I think that's the point."

A simple conversation over dinner last night in the Sauder household.  Steven, my hard-working, risk-taking, steadfast husband, is getting tired.  No, I take that back.  He's been tired.  At this point it's at a whole new level.  Exhausted?  Frustrated?  Defeated?  Maybe a little bit of everything...

These last few months have been hard.  (And yes, I am aware that I always say that...)  But let's be honest, we all know our journey in Thailand has been hard.  It feels like we've fought and clawed our way through these years, drawing from the deepest parts of ourselves at every turn.  And last night felt no different.

We are once again hitting turbulence with the many rules and regulations that the Thai government puts on foreign businesses.  It's a complicated situation that I even have a hard time keeping up with...

Here's a brief rundown: 
*Note: I would put this in logical order, but the way things work here there really is no "logical" order to getting this stuff done... It really puts my Type A personality to the test.

• We have to hire 4 employees (all within 2 months): This has been difficult for a number of reasons... 
  1) It's hard to hire 4 people when you're just starting a business.  Doesn't give Expat Homes any time to grow slowly... puts the pressure on to work beyond your own capacity. 
  2) It's been hard to fill the positions with the right people in such a short amount of time. 
  3) We can't seem to fill our last position and we've exhausted all our options.  We are basically waiting for God to send an angel through the door to be our 4th employee..

• We need to renew our business visa: The first business visa we got in Malaysia (a debacle in and of itself) was only good for 3 months.  In order to extend the visa to another 9 months, we have to show proof that we have hired and are currently paying 4 employees.  This complicates things because...
  1)  Our 3 month deadline is up May 12th.  That's in 6 days. 
  2)  We still have no 4th employee.
  3)  Our lawyer tells us we actually needed to have all of our employees as of last month... which means we already are past the deadline.  Awesome.

• We still need our work permit:  You can't get a work permit without a business visa and you can't get a business visa without a work permit.  It's a Catch 22.
  1)  We are still waiting on Steven's work permit because there have been complications with getting all the right registration paperwork for Expat Homes. 
  2)  Having no work permit, Steven is technically not allowed to work.  (We are trying to finish the office, but haven't been able to use it because it's dangerous for Steven to be there without a work permit.)
  3)  As a result, our house has turned into Expat Homes' temporary office... which has been really fun for me, yet also really difficult.  It's hard to keep an 18 month old under control while "Daddy and his employees get work done". 

• The Thai government needs to do inspections of the business:  We're told that unannounced inspections will need to happen in order to renew our business visa.  This means someone from the government will stop by the office to check it out, talk to employees, ask to see the right paperwork, etc. 
  1)  We've heard many horror stories about this as it's been a prime opportunity for them to ask for bribes since they know they're in the power position. 
  2)  Since Steven doesn't have his work permit, he can't be at the office working.  So how can they do inspections and talk to employees when they're hiding out at our place? 

So it looks like things aren't going to pan out very well... hence the dinner conversation last night.  For Steven, I know it feels like one step forward, two steps back.  I can see the discouragement in his eyes and how utterly exhausted this makes him.  But I know he won't give up and I don't want him to either.  By God's grace, my heart is full and expectant that He is up to something big.  Our lawyer says we can push this paperwork through if we hire someone fake.  But we will not do that.  He says that we can lie and have our other employees lie for us.  But we will not lie.  We could probably pay a bribe too.  But, we will not pay a bribe.  That would rob God of the glory He so deserves when He makes a way for us.  It may not be what we plan, want or even expect, but I do trust that it will be best.

And so, the saga continues.  Our last and final option is to leave the country again and start all over.  To basically do what we did in Malaysia and get another 3 month business visa that will hopefully restart the clock on a lot of these deadlines.  However, the thing that made everything complicated in Malaysia last time is that we did not have a work permit.  And we still don't.  So in order for this plan to even have a shot at working, it is crucial to have Steven's work permit before we go.

As of today, we have 4 days left to get it.

Assuming God does some sort of miracle, we will probably go to Singapore this time instead of going back to Malaysia.  (I highly doubt that lady at the Thai Consulate in Malaysia wants to see our faces again.  I think we used up all the grace she had.)  So, we'll take a stab at Singapore.  There's no straight flight from here to there, so we'll have to stop in Bangkok.  It may not be so bad for William...  Shorter flights are better for him...  Gives him time to run around in between layovers...
(Is it obvious yet that I'm really just giving myself a pep talk here?)

Sigh.  Truth is, it's another international trip for us (and another blow to the budget!).  Another adjustment for William.  Another long week waiting in line at the Thai Consulate, at the mercy of whoever is working that day.  It's just another big thing to add to our already overly busy lives.  But then again, it's another opportunity to walk by faith.

I'm not sure why I'm choosing to write this all out.  I usually don't blog like this.  I don't like rambling details, writing amidst the chaos with so many questions unanswered.  But today, I just felt like I needed to.  To stop doing and just write.  To record the impossible and then give it to the One in whom all things are possible.  To Him who is able to do far more abundantly than anything we can ask or think... God help.