8 reasons you should never become a missionary.

Since being in Thailand, a couple of my friends have suggested that I check out this fellow missionary's blog.  I was told that this woman, Laura Parker, writes honestly and openly about the good, the bad, and the ugly of a life overseas all while adding a little humor and perspective into the mix.  Plus, she just so happens to also be in Thailand, so our points of connection were even deeper.

But with all the craziness of our own story being played out, I didn't have the time (or the emotional energy) to sit down and read about someone else's--especially someone I didn't even know.  But as Steven was building his own radio last night (something that doesn't interest me in the least bit, but something I find oh so attractive in my hubby... love you babe!), I decided to give this Laura Parker a shot.

And woa.  I think I spent 2 hours reading blog after blog after blog--losing myself in what, often times, felt like my own thoughts and emotions.  It was weird really cool to feel this sense of being so understood by a complete stranger.  Has that ever happened to anyone else out there?!?!

So here's one of her blogs, 8 Reasons You Should Never Become a Missionary, that really hit home.  As I read it out loud to Steven, we found ourselves nodding and laughing in agreement as it was painfully, yet perfectly true in so many ways.  I was going to try and come up with my own "8 reasons", but I think she hit them right on the head.  No sense in reinventing the wheel!  Instead, I just added a couple of my own thoughts/"amen, sisters" at the end of each of her points.  Enjoy :)

1.  Don't Become a Missionary if You Think You Are Going to Change the World.  First, high expectations doom to disappoint, but, also, maybe your desire to change the world is trumping your desire to serve.  Ask yourself if you would be happy moving overseas to a much harsher environment in order to quietly help a local, while getting no recognition and seeing no fruit in the process.  If you can answer honestly yes, then maybe you're still in the running.  (Don't worry, we thought we would've answered yes, but found out that we really had some unhealthy savior-complexes to begin with.)

*Definitely guilty of this one.  And definitely have been humbled by this one.  I hate to break it to you myself, but I haven't changed much of the world in the last 15 months.  For a girl who likes to see results, this has been frustrating.  Yet, I'm often reminded (and relieved) that God's the only one who can do this job.

2.  Don't Become a Missionary to Make Yourself Better.  My first mission trip was as a middle-schooler to Jamaica.  I'm not really sure how much good we actually did, but I do remember one of the missionaries we worked with.  His name was Craig, and he had some of the biggest glasses I'd ever seen.  And the dude talked to everyone about Jesus.  Everyone--the pot smoking Rastafarian in the line, the tourist at the store, the check-out guy at the food stand.  And I remember turning one time to another missionary who worked with him and asked what made him so "good" at evangelizing.  The older missionary said, "Craig? Oh, he didn't come to Jamaica to become like that.  He was already like that in the States."  And to think Craig with the big glasses dispels the lie that if you move overseas, then you will magically become a superhero Christian.  Um, false.  What you are there, you'll be here.  And while it's true that the change of environment can spark growth, it doesn't mean you'll go from luke-warm average Christian to Mark-Driscoll-Cool-On-Fire-Mother-Theresa just because you suddenly find yourself on another continent.  Pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

*Amen, sister!  (Although, I again, fall into the guilty category on this one...)  Crossing an ocean and gaining the title "missionary" doesn't do some magical trick that turns you into a better version of yourself.  Now I'm pretty convinced that just takes years of walking closely with the Lord.

3.  Don't Become a Missionary if You Think You Have the Answers and the Nationals Don't.  Westerners have clunky shoes.  This is just true.  We are loud and obnoxious and, good Lord, arrogant.  Our DNA has us descending on other cultures and dictating ways they can "fix" themselves, while throwing money at their problems.  I think I've learned that every good missionary LISTENS, first.  And listens, a lot.  (Don't worry, I suck at this still.)

*Suspend judgment, suspend judgment, suspend judgment.  Much like you think you are going to save the world, you also falsely believe you have all the answers.  Why don't they just do it like this?  Why do they act like that?  If only they knew better... Yikes.  What I've learned is that people do what makes sense to them.  And even if it doesn't make sense to you, that doesn't mean they're wrong.
*And another "amen, sister!" to not throwing money at their problems.  I have wanted to do that so many times with Pawn.  I love her so much and I just want to help her, and for some reason my wealthy-American mind always defaults to "give her more money!".  More money isn't going to solve Pawn's problems.  And we've actually seen a lot of Thai people who have gained more problems from having missionaries throw money at them (always with good intentions, of course).  Being generous, yet not using money as a crutch or bandaid to address real problems is an ongoing balancing act.  Lord, give us wisdom!

4.  Don't Become a Missionary if You Can't Hack Transition.  We've been overseas now for less than two years, and we have moved houses three times, taken two major trips, and have gotten close to and then had to say goodbye to over 15 good family friends.  People come and go on the mission field.  Terms are up and governments change the visa laws.  You find a deal on a house or the house you are in has rats.  When you sign up for missions, like it or not, realize it or not, you are signing up for a transient lifestyle.

*I am not what you would call a "flexible" person.  I like to make plans (really detailed, good ones, at that!) and I like to stick to them.  I also have no patience.  Like zilch.  And while we're at it, I'll also throw in that I don't like change.  Sometimes I wonder why I signed up for something that clearly does not utilize my strengths... sigh.  The whole "when I am weak, You are strong" thing has really been something I've had to lean on more than ever this year.  Biggest lesson of all?  Things are beyond my control.  And I'm just beginning to find peace in that.

5.  Don't Become a Missionary if You Think You Are Really Pretty Great, Spiritually-Speaking.  There's nothing like moving to a foreign country to reveal all the crap that's in your heart.  Seriously.  I have cussed more, cried more, been more angry, had less faith, been more cynical, and, generally speaking, have become in many ways a worser person during my last two years of serving in Asia.  Call it culture-shock if you will, but I tend to think the stress of an overseas move thrusts the junk that was conveniently covered up before out into the blazing hot open.

*Let's just say that we currently have a hole in our bedroom door from the time I got mad at Steven and decided to display my anger by kicking in the door.  Ugly, what-is-wrong-with-me, did-I-just-do-that?, Lauren exposed.  Enough said.

6.  Don't Become a Missionary if You Think Living on Support is Cake.  It might look easy, but it is most definitely not--this monthly process of holding your breath and praying that you get a full paycheck, while knowing that even that paycheck is based on the kindness of your parents or your friends or the lady you know who hardly has two pennies to rub together anyway.  And then, when you do have a little money, you stress about how you should spend it.  Should I treat myself to a coffee?  Do the kids really need to go to the pool today?  Should I buy the more reliable scooter or the used one that will (probably?) be just fine?  And then, and then, shudder, there's that awkward process of asking for it in the first place and feeling like you are annoying the heck out of the same people, who happen to be the only people you know--like that pushy lady selling Tupperware down the street.  The whole thing might be great for your faith, but it can sure be a killer on your... heart, finances, sense of self-worth, savings, relationships, budget, fun and freedom.

*This may be the only one that I don't necessarily agree with 100%.  Steven and I have AMAZING supporters and we do not worry about being fully-funded every month (although I realize that is not the case for everyone).  And furthermore, Steven and I actually really enjoyed our support raising experience (besides the fact that we were crazy busy/tired and I gained about 10 pounds from eating so many meals with so many people...).  I mean, when else would you get the opportunity to connect one-on-one with so many people you love?  It forces you to get your priorities straight and spend some good quality time with some great people.  However, I would be lying if I said there weren't times that I have hated living on support.  I think it's something about feeling like all these eyes are on you--just watching and judging how you spend your their God's money.  I am pretty sure that this is all self-induced, but I have wasted many nights being stressed over things like "Is our house too nice?"  "Should I buy this cheese?"  "What will we write in our newsletter this month since we are still learning language?".  I never thought I struggled with being a people pleaser... until I lived on support.  Yet another exposed sin.. woohoo!  Isn't this fun? :)

7.  Don't Become a Missionary if You Aren't Willing to Change.  Flexibility is more important than I ever thought it would be in an overseas life.  So is humility, actually.  Unfortunately, neither of these qualities is naturally at the top of my Character IQ.  However, I have learned that the more determined you are to stick to your original plan--regarding ministry or living situation or friendships or organizations or personal growth--the more painful it is when that plan changes, and change it most definitely will.  It's the ones who humbly hold things loosely that I think can go the distance with far less collateral damage.

*Please see #4.

8.  Don't Become a Missionary to Find Cool Friends.  Now, I'm not saying you won't find amazing friends--maybe the best in your life--but there is no denying that the mission field can draw some pretty odd ducks.  (Of which, I, of course, am not one.  See #7 regarding my natural humility.)  Don't be surprised, though, if you find yourself in a church service with ladies wearing clothes from the 80's singing praise songs from your middle-school years like Awesome God, but without even the drums.  Don't be surprised, too, if your social interactions are awkward at best with many of your fellow mission-souls.  Living out in the jungles for twenty years might do wonders for your character and strength and important things, like, oh, the translation of the Bible into another language, but it can sure do a number on one's personal ability to shoot the breeze in a church lobby somewhere.  But, there, again, maybe there's a necessary shifting that has to happen to your definition of cool, anyway.

*Okay, Steven and I laughed out loud pretty hard at this one.  Not to say that we think we're cool, but this is just one of those things that I think you have to experience to fully appreciate.  We've had plenty of funny interactions with people that are just downright weird.  BUT, we have also met so many fascinating people with mind-blowing life stories that leave us in awe.  It all evens out, I guess.

*As a side note:  Steven and I were discussing #8 tonight and he thinks that the mission field can turn normal people into slightly odd people.  So, I give my friends and family full permission to call us out if we start becoming weirder than we already are.